Always

 I always get so defensive when people find out that Severus Snape is my favourite character in the Harry Potter series and they give me that look. You know, that look.

                  

I of course have reasons for liking him so much. Okay fine, let me honest, I love him. We’ll leave it there.

It’s no secret that I have read The Deathly Hallows before all the other books . I see this as my version of I open at the close. Literally.

So in DH when Harry heard Voldemort’s speech on why he couldn’t possibly allow Severus to live because of the elder wand and then listened to him die, this was the point when my heart started breaking. I hated Severus as much as the other person- movie knowledge here- and there was no love lost there, but I wouldn’t wish that kind of death on my worst enemy. And then Harry friggin’ Potter that he is had to go in there and Severus’ tears are streaming down his face and he’s all like: ‘take them’ and I was bawling because why this? The wrong person was dying!

And then the memories! Those blasted memories. At that moment I felt like my heart sunk to my stomach. I had it wrong. I didn’t like Severus, he wasn’t the bad guy but he was a bad guy. He was a bully and he was cruel. He looked for ways to put people down. I’m not denying that and I’m not saying that his memories suddenly made him a good man, because it didn’t. I’m saying that I forgave him.

When I found out that all those years he was protecting Harry, and was asked not to get too close to him…and the fact that he was in love with Lily. Argh! My heart!

I think what helped me with Severus’ death is the fanfiction. He’s canonically dead but those fanfiction keeps him alive. They allow me to see alternate realities, what if’s. Just because I have put the character to rest, it doesn’t mean that I’ll ever be over it. I honestly can’t watch DH part 2 without crying, even before that scene comes. I think reading the book’s worse though. It’s more detailed, it’s like a vine crawling through your head and settling there. The image never goes away.

So yes, while I understand that Severus wasn’t a good man. He only turned spy because he found out that the love of his life was in danger, and then vowed to protect Harry because of Lily. I understand all this but still I choose to name him as my favourite character. I liked that he was capable of caring. Underneath that mask, he was human after all. He played his part so well that he fooled us all, and I’m glad that I was fooled, because that only makes my belief in him firmer. Severus Snape, favourite character. Now, forever, Always.